There are times when I question my ability as a writer. My fellow writers will agree that we all go through these phases, these periods of agony where the only thing we can focus on is just how terrible we assume we are and how the rest of the world thinks the same way.
Or maybe that’s just me. My writing could be stronger; this I know. But the beauty of creativity is the learning process. No one is perfect; what you like may not be Joe Somebody’s cuppa. I’ve been writing for most of my life, but only took the plunge and posted my words to the world nearly four years ago. That may seem like an long time but for me it feels like only yesterday. In my mind I am forever the bored college student anxiously anticipating how the public will react to my work.
Writing, just like the real world, is like some extended version of high school (or at times, junior high—which was hell for everyone). You have the popular kids, the writers with the fanclubs, hundreds of comments on their stories, and mountains and mountains of (let’s face it, well-deserved) praise.
And then there’s me. I’ve always been on the fringes of popularity, far away to want it, but close enough to realize all that glitters ain’t gold.
I don’t like when people compare my work to other writers. I realize that in writing, there’s no way to avoid comparisons but nevertheless it makes me uneasy. I happen to think my writing style is quite different from most writers. I hate overly Alpha males (i.e. douchebags who act like major twatwaffles for 99% of the story and then at the end have this miraculous change of heart), weak and simpering females, cardboard side characters, and pretty much schmaltzy Harlequin romances. People aren’t black and white and characters in a story should be held to the same standards. We might have similar concepts, but every writer has their own style. It’s hard to compare/contrast people, especially in the erotica field because when it comes to porn, we’re damn picky.
I know I will never be the special snowflake, the writer with hundreds of fans and whatnot. But I’m okay with that. Somedays it isn’t enough to feed my fragile ego (hey, I’m a writer. We’re supposed to be a little narcissistic), but the majority of the time, I’m cool with it. I love my little group of loyals (I believe they’ve been calling themselves the Nerd Herd which is freaking awesome). Every email, every comment on my stories and my blog is a bit of courage, the motivation I use to fuel my desire to keep writing, to keep churning out quality work for you guys to enjoy. And at the end of the day, the satisfaction I get from seeing my work out there is all I need. Okay, so maybe getting published would be bomb.com. I’m working on it, trust me!
I’ll never be the Queen at the Writer’s Ball. But I’ll definitely settle for being the House DJ.
So I made a bit of a mistake with my submission to Lit and it was rejected. I corrected the issue and re-submitted the chapter last night. Sorry about getting your hopes up. The new, corrected chapter should be up and running either Thursday or Friday. I’m hard at work on Chapter Four. I’m not sure where the story’s going to go at this point, but I kind of have an idea where I want to take it. I’ll definitely let keep you updated (all 3 of you that actually read my blog, haha).
P.S. I’m definitely open to suggestions about what you guys want to see on here. I’m a terribly insecure writer with a rather large ego and I need attention. :) but I’m definitely open to ideas.